Are you afraid to make mistakes?

Are You AFRAID to make mistakes?

I am afraid to make mistakes. I admit it. 

Since young I was the top student in my class. Scored 100% for the first few papers then all the classmates were so amaze. All the teachers were so amaze. All the other parents were so amaze. They kept on coming and had a look on me, even asking my mum which tuition center did I go to at that time. My mum just said, "Tuition? We never send her to tuition." Then they were even more amaze. It was kind of weird  when you were only 7 years old but the people around you showed such an amusement to your results. 

Some labels started to put on me. Genius, perfect, know-it-all etc. I didn't even have a chance to differentiate all of these before they were being put on me. So guess what? Teachers expected me to know everything. My classmates expected me to know the teachers' mind about the exam questions. The other parents expected me to be their guidance in order for their children to score better in the exam. 

I was only 7 years old. But who cares? They were just seeking for something to fulfill their own idealism. 

I got the pressure. It was like a nightmare that I couldn't escape every night. School was much more scarier than what I had thought of. I was afraid that I was being imperfect. I was afraid that I made any mistake that would make anyone felt unhappy.Just imagine: when you did a mistake, your teacher showed her exceptionally SURPRISE face and howling in high pitch, "What? You didn't know the answer?" I was just a kid and that actually made everything in my life became distorted. My confidence, my pride, my interest, my perception, my everything became something that needed to be acknowledged by other people. 

Since then I started to pretend good. I became much much more careful before I speak, or sometimes I didn't even spoke. I was afraid of failure but I didn't know. When I made a mistake, I was very upset of myself and pushed myself to work even harder. Until one day, during homework discussion, I actually erased the wrong answers and change it into the correct answer. However, my performance started to drop. Learning was not fun anymore. Mistakes were my largest enemy. The more I afraid of it, the more I made it.

It had became part of me. I tried very hard to cover it because I was unhappy. 

"It is ok to make a mistake." This is what my superior said when I first started my work. I didn't tell him about the problem that I was facing in my job but he found out. I was actually extremely scared when he found out my mistake but soon the fright diminished after he said that to me. 

I used to cover myself with a "Perfect" mask but I tried to let it go. Taking off the mask and be an ordinary person who makes mistakes. It was pretty hard in the beginning. Actually, as difficult as nailing jelly to the tree. 

You need to keep on concentrating, then there will be fewer errors in thoughts and actions. (Pastor Joshua Jung)

It was not easy in the beginning. More and more mistakes were made. Embarrassment, failure,  and stress came along when I tried to change. The biggest challenge was not coming from the fear of making mistake, but distorted thought that I had to be perfect in order for people to like or respect me. What Pastor Joshua Jung shared was right, when I focused more on the right thought, I could realized about my thought more and reduced the chances of "pretending". 

When I felt like I wanted to quit in a discussion, I tried to focus on speaking about my ideas. When I felt that people wouldn't want to listen to me, I tried one more time to speak. Even though my ideas weren't appropriate all the time, I tried. Then when people says, "Owh, that's not suitable for this time." I would felt embarrassed but it reduced from time to time when I tried more.

I believe that I will get rid of this "Fear of Making Mistake".

Good luck for you who is trying too!